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The In-Between

by Hilary

Some vulnerability from me here – I’m in a program called Al-Anon, a 12-step program for families of alcoholics. Like most 12-step programs, this one has a few books with daily meditations/thoughts/considerations that we read from. A recent entry from Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie hit me in this current state I’m in – the In-Between.

The Language of Letting GoAugust 2 In Between Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between. One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them. This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance. Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush. Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling. We may have many feelings going on when we’re in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them. Being in between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not. We’re standing at the in between place. it’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination. We are moving forward, even when we’re in between. Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
A screenshot of the August 2 entry of Language of Letting Go

Being in the In-Between can be pretty rough, no matter what you’re in between. I’m hoping sharing this can help folks that are there with me, and allow us to move forward when we’re feeling stuck and anxious about what the future holds.

 

📢 Just a note: 12-step programs generally  use “God” to represent your Higher Power, whatever that might be. If the representation here doesn’t appeal to you, I totally get it and hope you can look past it as I do to glean what you can from the meditation.